Its a selfish decision either way. Compatibility Mechanical: 64 Bit (x64) of each person. Welcome to Tissue Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash . She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? I am afraid that if I leave she will kill herself, she is completely obsessed with me and I cant escape. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM All rights reserved. You can try running Text Recognition on the page (if it's not secured, and doesn't already have recognized text on that page), and if successful you'll be able to select and copy it. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. Are they really trying to help themselves? Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! 10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy 1. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. But I just dont know anymore. And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. I beat my depression, i became happy again but after a year with my gf and trying to care for her depression i can feel it creeping back again. Like everything was depending on something else, like it was fragile structure. That's because healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never, ever the same. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. This often happens when too much stress causes hyperarousal, which can upset the balance between sleep and wakefulness, according to the National Sleep Foundation. A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. I lost my faith in myself, in my abilities, in my attractiveness, I also lost my job because I was physically sick because of stress. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. She didnt even try to make the effort in keeping the conversation going and Im always the one who care about her when she doesnt give a thought about me and keep immersing herself in her depressive world. She will need manpower to make the move happen. Im the one whos always giving the support and its draining me and she doesnt appreciate it at all and said she cant feel our love anymore. Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. She is a no bullshit chick that has always been completely honest with me about everything and this is no exception. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. But youre so young and its not very obvious but so many people go through this at some point in their lives because life truly is pretty messed up. You will only drag yourself down in the end. I still dont know what to do and I feel terrible. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? Read on for some of those ways. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. we took a break for a day, then got back together. Thinking that you will solve the problem will only make you more and more frustrated. To pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: She dragged down the boxes from the attic. Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. If she did you would know. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. We r loving since 5-6 years! I feel you. Is it over? From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. It was a no-win situation for me. So both of you can benefit. After a year of being together i started to talk about how bad our sexlife and that it has changed, her reply was always that im comparing this to things i read on the internet and that what we had before is considered honeymoon period. Still, its all your decision. Depression is a serious issue that is very difficult to understand. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. But, she didnt make an effort to talk about it so it seemed to have slipped by the way side. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. Its extremely helpful to be able to read something from the person suffering from depression. There is so many thoughts and circumstances for a girl. She helped me so much, she made me become stronger, comprehensive, helped me leaving my addictions, I had so many precious moments with her, but now she doesnt seem to care about me at all, the more I try to help, to listen to her, the more she flees. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." Now dont get me wrong, I get shes depressed and I feel for her, but I used to never have outbursts in my relationship period, and by now, 8 years in, the only way to make her stop taking all of her aggressive-depression(not that shed get violent, but yell on the most absurd things)/anxieties on me is to stoop down to her level and shout back, which then makes me feel like a jerk, she (almost) never say sorry, and for everytime she yells at me, somehow at the end I have to apologize or shell frown at me forever (claiming everything is fine, but obviously is it) A few months ago she began self harming, and I apparently did something to upset her and she started talking about how she was going to commit suicide because of it. Yes, we all need help and support and Im in it til death do we part. There must be fond memories. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. And I know hes going to hate me and say I dont understand. It is sad, my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out. I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. First, if you are ever in crisis or are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, it is very important you seek help immediately. One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. "Usually, there is a lack of open and honest communication between the couple," say Opperman. Two nights ago after a weekend of not really talking that much as she was very down and I was super busy with work, we spoke on the phone and she told me she needed to be alone and deal with this, because her depression was the worst its ever been. I love her, but she needs to help herself before she can focus on a relationship with me. Trying to fix it on yours own either no optional. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. She didnt want to go to my graduation. it takes a lot of courag and resolve to stick around and be supportive to your partner and youve done that.kudos to that.please see that you have been strong and supportive for so long so you cannot think you will break.be confident and seek better outlets.therapy can help in a major way as I have seen.all the best. Thank you for sharing. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. I only have time to look at primary materials and not much more, and sometimes I wait until she has gone to sleep so I can read in peace. It is not your role in this case. I feel trapped. The most important thing to find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul . And do not try to help, just try to understand. This is a painful, complicated issue, and you deserve to have support as you work on figuring out what is best for you. I also have depression. Learn how to be supportive if need be and get counseling yourself. It was me rationalising my emotions. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. Taken from Revenge Of The Goldfish. I do not see a future with her but I get so torn up at the thought of leaving her to her depression and her situation, Im in the exact same situation as you gaz. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. The ex shouldnt even be in the equation. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. please help! Yes, "envier" is a word. That takes incredible patience and compassion, but it can also take a toll on you. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. She just dont know how to do this. thanks for everyone comments! DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. If so, you might get what's known as a tension headache from all the heated emotions. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). Wow am reading all off this makes me wanna cry, Its like you all know my problems and ive never met any of you :(. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. Because of my own childhood, and my moms depression as a kid, I reflexively push her away when she gets very depressed, and have trouble acknowledging what shes going through. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). And dwelling in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option. It's up to you to decide how to handle that. Take it as a hint that things need to change. I hope you will take another one and find some support for yourself. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. It hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do. Me being there, and supporting this whole time didnt count for anything. "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. Do they really want help? My Friend Is Draining Me! I love her so much, but I know Id rather deal with these issues now than a year or 2 into a relationship. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. There are so many ways a relationship can be unhealthy, and therefore so many ways it can drag you down. i cant let her go and i know she cant let me go either. Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. Read the book co-dependent no more. We started dating a few months after the divorce and (I admit we could have been more responsible of our actions) she is now pregnant with our first child. 3. I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. Most of you experienced it yourselves unless you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth. 2. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! "When youre stressed, your heart starts pumping blood faster through your veins to give you energy to deal with that perceived threat," said Marcelina Hardy on BettyConfidential.com. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. Taking her depression into her own hands, can that make a person sick? See what I. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. And probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write. I have seen suicide attempts, aggression and erratic and forceful ways of keeping me locked in the house every time I threaten to leave. Exactly. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. Step by step. Wow. We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. How wrong! Hi Greg, Do a "deep search" instead. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. Being active/yoga, eating healthy and drinking lots of water can help a lot a lot. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. Day in or out, shell leave me broken again, I know it, just dont know when. Everything is my fault according to her. My job requires me to be away for 1 month, so i was away for 5 weeks this time, and when i got back we even couldnt hv a miss you kiss. girlfriend is dragging me down I feel that my girlfriend is dragging me down and although she's happy in the relationship I'm not. She would start crying, shes wanted to leave home and then denied it the next day, I try to get her to talk about whats going on but she wont. were so messed up its insane. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. About me and my girlfriend! I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. Or are they falling back into a state where they feel they are most comfortable. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? Sorry if I sound morbid but its devastating. The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. Also over the years I have cancelled so many plans with friends to take time to help her that I have lost contact and have become depressed myself about my loneliness. My boyfriend is like this, before I met him I was very depressed, self harmed, tried taking my own life but one day I met him I felt instantly happy I never felt this, however he left me for his ex girlfriend and I felt hopeless again. And at the current time, I feel stretched thin with everything going around me since everyone needs me there for them, along with being there for myself. Smoking and drinking! From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. Here are some ways this may happen. Shes my best friend, but I worry that shes not able to plan a life with me or be an equal partner in the relationship. A woman goes through a break up, she goes out, cries half the time and gets her drinks paid for all night and has her choice of a half a dozen guys fighting over her. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. Please know you are not alone. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. I take it this is detrimental to a persons feelings who has depression. I deserve happiness, everyone does! somewhere inside you still know that too, its a natural instinct. Everything is about your partner. Your girl might decide differently. And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. The more. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. I started to be rude and aggressive. In fact, research has shown that this feeling of insecurity may boost levels of a stress hormone, and can even lower your immune system, according to Kathleen Doheny on WebMD.com. I still see him he wrote 2 suicide notes to me and his dad ( when I asked him to leave) and produced them for me to read. So are yours always casting concerned looks? Same for me. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. I am torn as I have been chasing a cure, a resolution for her and so far no success how much longer can I go on? I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. Even if you haven't done anything wrong, your partner has a way of making you feel bad. Shes gone to therapy, but currently not going. Break up. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. Move on with your life. And one last thing, she really wants to be again successful, beautiful, smart, witty, and attractive for you more than anything else. And this is where our problems come in. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. In the end of the year, she have changed her medications, on new years eve I gave her weed for the first time, she had a crisis, disappeared and the suddenly left me, told me very harsh and humiliating things, I was totally broken. WE ARE ALL A PRODUCT OF OUR ENVIRONMENTS. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. Just because shes depressed, Ive got depressed. Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. I am fine with this, every self respecting man yearns for space of his own, so to me this was the perfect recipe. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. I'm just not the same. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. I'm not sure how to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning. Theres a lot of pain in watching someone else you love give up on their own life, be unhappy about decisions they made and wonder why the relationship is falling apart when theyve manipulated your emotions by hurting u, breaking up with you so many times and not having anything positive to say on any problem you or they have,together or singularly. She has told me that my love and support has made her feel so special and that Im an amazing guy that deserves to be happy, and I believe her. Dear M, If you would like to find a mental health professional for your girlfriend, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Gently but strongly. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, When someone puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting to him. Since being in a relationship with her I feel like I've lost myself a little bit? It also seems like you have come to the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that something must change. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. She also started to talk about other guys and how they were getting close to her (which i actually found out the guys she was talking about liked her aswel) but when i ask her to not do anything misleading with them, she started arguing with me and saying i wasnt trusting her. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. See what I mean? Karen S., a business executive in her late 20s, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk. Even if youve had bad experiences with the Christian belief in the past, I suggest you to just try something. I want her to be happy, and I hope you guys are luckier than me. She is also currently in therapy. And that one is difficult for boys: you HAVE to not think through your ego. Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. I am essentially a caretaker now. Cmon guys you know the drill. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. If you have depression or anxiety its because you know deep in your soul that you arent on the right path or living up to your potential. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! Sign up and Get Listed. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. We stopped having sex last year because of her trauma. One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. She doesnt like it when I do my own thing or want to go out or have something in my life other than her. She might be craving for you to cross the distance. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. The envier. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. Long distance relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing. We read your comment, and we hear your frustration and unhappiness. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. But how is it possible? Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. I had a 3 month relationship with a depressed woman and it was comparable to a roller coaster ride at Disney land ups and downs it was beyond this world everything was my fault problems was created and misery was the icing on the cake. Do you guys fight all the time? So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. Any thoughts or suggestions would be sincerely appreciated. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. So he . First two years went well. Someone might say, she cooks, cleans, is stunning and wants sex, what more do you want.. She had issues before with sex and that was part of why she drank. I am a twenty year old student. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. Shes not able to be there for me. You have to start working on it, push things forward. It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. But she just cries on the phone and says shes fine. The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. We all have to remain positive people. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. 2. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? Shes 30 but she isnt mature enough to have any responsibility, I pity for it. It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! She felt distanced by me, but in no way did i feel any different toward her.