One wonders too how this fresh start would manifest for his little group of facilitating sidekicks maybe 4 or 5 other people who have acted more or less abusively in tandem with the narcissist would the fresh start to be exclusively with the narcissist or with this whole team is his offer the result of some consensus between these people that they all agree they have acted abusively and they are somehow sorry and wish to help repair the damage. I, too, wish there were more male posters. I was hysterical and I called the police so they could help me get my belongings. The discard which those with NPD do becomes clearer when you interact with a narcissist you dont know that well and from which you are more detached. If youd like to read a free preview, which includes the first chapter and the pathological love relationship checklist, click on this link. John is a novelist, writer, entrepreneur, and consultant, whose best consulting is focused on what he did that others should avoid. However, what is very convincing to me is HIS COMPLETE DISMISSAL OF SUBCONCIOUS/UNCONCIOUS, AS AN EXPLONATORY TOOL FOR BEHAVIOUR OF THESE CHARACTERS. There is also the false assumption that people are too naive and trusting. The dynamic is different from normal in so far as this is a group of people who take part in a sport I dont actually have to specifically spend time with this person but he is always there an omnipresence and vocal with it as you would expect its all about him the notion that he is as I suspect him to be is quite unambiguous. I did, and that was when she came after me with reckless abandon. He is cluster B. But basically, its a low and painful blow that knocks the wind out of you and may take you out of action for a few hours. I needed support for the situation with my mother. 2. Friend tells me there was a few of ex narcs buddies that saw him with my car; in fact, friend knows some of the same people but ex didnt know this was my friend. That answer depends on the type of person you are. And thats a good thing. I am a happy person by nature but a friend said i almost never smile now. It really is tricky with a covert narcissist as they dont do the really mean things and only do the rage thing occasionally. He may give the appearance of having changed, but those incidents are simply hoovering attempts to hook you back into the []. The couple have been together for nearly 15 years and the odd request left the . I didnt respond; I deleted texts and the number blocker would not let anyone with a blocked number go to voicemail. Still, my perception is she is NPD, and btw, just like in your situation, her last move happened when I expressed: I wish you could be tested for NPD. Trust me, this is all said in love from one victim to another. Good riddance. If you counted how many times he used the word I, you'd roll your eyes. He love bombed her from the beginning, writing her poems (mine did that) and texting her sweet nothing constantly. Thank you. So they know exactly what they are doing !!.. For 5 years of our relationship, he blamed me for not being able to attend until I found out he was not invited. It was that she was not responding to my texts and pulled yet another disappearing act on mewhich was unacceptable this time especially given the current set of circumstances. I view them as keeping me away from productive things. So u see, ur hope amd faith is a waste. So empty. I see you are able to understand your Ex cognitivelyalthough the experience has left a stamp on your heart. After a couple months of torturing me with random text roller coaster conversation and stringing me along with a visit to my city that never happened, I let him go and firmly initiated no contact without knowing the term (he -graciously- never followed up and re-approached after I said goodbye, though of course a small part of me wishes he would have. His suggestion of dating and trying to make it work is simply a way for him to drop by your place when he wants, yet continue his prowl for partners. But now i no it was not love i was sic . Its hard to resist, I know, when they start acting the romantic, but its important to remember its just an act. There are so many situation through the day when i think of him. This gives them a great advantage over us. Why? Now i think on my timeline of my life. http://www.stovolando.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Screen-Shot-2013-11-10-at-20.06.04.png. I broke up with him and cut off contact, but got back in touch with him I said it was to see if we could be friends but really it was because not talking to him was absolutely agonising. It s like the N just get a little to charming, romantic, a little to in love, acting to helpfull etc.Just always something over the top. He inflicts severe emotional trauma, and then swoops in like some kind of savior when you react. Us having a conversation will not do either of us any good. So I would have to say my ex Narc is gone for good. Our nieghborhood has its own beach, were on the waterway. He still sees me as his best friend. I have been no contact for 2 months. He new millionaire boyfriend lives in Dubai. This is about THEM, All they need us for is to use us, lie to us, be nasty to us, verbally, emotionally & in some cases physically abuse us & dump all their hatred onto us, to make them feel bigger, stronger & better about themselves, and its all not their fault really But if a new love interest starts making you feel uncomfortable, becomes condescending, or asks you to change things about yourself, theyre outta there! I have some new answers and new pride in myself. Yes, and not for the reasons a normal person would want their ex back. Thank you also for your follow. He refuses to talk to me hes very busy. I mean after all she has done to me I really am sorry for her pain. Great for recovery, its just since you want to know, I feel, so much what exactly her problem is, just google sites, recognising the proper name for the cluster, also Manipulative People by Dr. George K. Simon. Theyre the type the narcissist can control. I know that my exs new minion is seeing the truth now firsthand. Prior to discovery after fights, he would seem truly remorseful and we wouldnt split up. I ended up in court slapped with a restraining order to shut me up. Looking back from 20 years ago he had many female friends, and he is also good friends with his ex-GF. Then he texted me that he hoped for me to Find finally the love of my life because he has found that one. He feels comfortable confiding in me and its like getting into the head of a Narc. He kept trying to convince me that i was the crazy one and he is not a liar and not crazy. I said nope, I will not give you that satisfaction. If they can see mum and dad as friend they will be much better off for it. A few months later the bosses ex wife called me and told me the affair had started while we were still living together. Ultimately, he divorced me saying that he could not be with anyone who saw him as his abuser. I love being on my own and alone but when I think of my ex narc the pain of his disc a rd wont go away and it seems like hes the only thing that can remind me of what love felt like. Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Miserable? I dont spend too much time thinking about the past anymore. Her mum and split when her mum had an affair and left. I was on the phone with a cousin and he calls. Present day he has come crying back to me wanting to work on things I have given in twice and found that after a couple weeks of my return his attempt to make things right dwindled and began to fall into the same pattern. They are ALL relevant ( in my humble opinion) He left me once for a week about year and some ago and came back. Eden I would do total no contact in your case as well. You do an awesome job Kim. So if he DOESN'T contact me, that means he can't get over . He swore he was totally loyal to me.yeaaa right! Let your integrity speak for itself! Anyway, I never got a response from my last text and Im sure exs buddies got on the horn and passed the word that this man was driving my car. Yes he stopped initiating contact. He saw my strong, independent nature as a threat..that I would leave him. Grrrr so bad!!! Also, if you had ever mentioned to him that you thought he was too materialistic or too sexual then the first thing he wants to do is rub it in your face how he has changed for the new supply. I literally have no idea. I used this image through my account with Adobe Stock, which is a service I pay for on a monthly basis and which gives me license to use the image. using a listing technique to tick off or list your supposed great qualities that they now see in you and miss Hurting you makes her feel better. Once the child pulls away, be prepared for the father to respond in ways that cause the child extreme pain. Make no mistake; they have conditioned us to expect it. Or the Terminator you cant reason with them, they feel no regret, they feel no remorse they are sick and the pieces of the puzzle will never been finished, they will destroy your very soul. The problem is that it can get synced up with the narcissistic abuse cycle so that the level of dopamine in the brain drops when we are not in contact with the narcissist. Until then I never knew that such a disorder even existed, let alone the effects on my thought and actions. I love seeing myself through your eyes. So, he appears to be letting go, for now, but leaving the door open to communication. Im grateful I finally left and grateful I escaped relatively unscathed. The never meeting his family or friends The half truths.. He called three times in a row cause Mr. Second, psychologically, there is a constant tension inside us due to desiring someone who causes us such pain and yet periodically comes back to rescue us from it. In the end, though, I won. Sorry this is so long, but you all know how complicated these relationships are to explain. (His initials werent IF by any chance?). So now i confessed that i miss him to and our love and laughter. There needs to be repercussions. Stay strong. I put her growing abusive and physical temper down to myself and not being good enough for her. I pray for my healing from my husbands death and the death of the demon named quan . Take care" Then I blocked her number . He sat there for a minute in the truck as I slowly strolled back up to my door. These Narcs hold power over you only if you let them. Its just not fair. Matt, I wanted to chime in, because I went through something kind of similar. That last part may not be healthy, but thats where I am now. lol, In response to dating other women of this type, I have dated women like this before but only a couple. And do not take that as oh great thanks, he will eventually contact me (in 7, 8, 9, 10 years). Jill, seems like you have an excellent grasp on how to get rid of a Narc . I have been going to therapy for the month and will be moving out next month. Cara- it sounds like you may be codependent like I am. He would never acknowlegde my beautifull aspects of my as a person. He know this. I am still in touch with my stepkids and was just holding one of them while she sobbed over the abuse he has inflicted on her. I also fell for his creativity and intellect. Relevant!! I caution all men that it is fun to have a beauty on your arm but at what cost. Basically, she was a runner. She ran away from all her problems and responsibilities. However,researchsuggests that when a person is going to kill themselves, they dont talk about it; they just do it. But sadly I dont see that happening. Thanks you all for the helpful advise. Ughh. 2 reasons; one is the corporation thing, another they constitute 9% of the population (the whole Cluster B in DSM is a psychopathic cluster). Having an ex unblock you can do a real number on your psyche; you tend to overthink, question their motives, feelings towards you, and most importantly, your feelings towards your ex. Why would he contact me if he has a new supply? A clever narcissist learns that he can use his cell phone as a tool for juggling multiple relationships and for keeping one relationship from ever . Women can be Narcissists too and it is just as traumatic to a man as it is to a woman. One month of No Contact and my ex hasn't contacted me yet. Anonymous, I find what you said to be quite unfair. Only now accepting that I was one of them too. Not enjoy myself? Matt, I obviously dont know you personally but I can guarantee you one thingI WOULD NEVER TREAT YOU LIKE THAT. Youre already at rock bottom so this is the perfect time to start. I also think it is very important to focus on the reasons why you fell into a relationship like that. I am optimistic and confident I will rediscover myself and feel love, self joy and a genuine joy and contentment from life again. So many unknowns I could reach out and ask, but Id never trust a word from his mouth as genuine. If he comes to my door, Im not answering. Started sending me love songs. But in the end, I was just used as a reference so she could copy, and a mirror so she could see herself. I was obsessing about him even though my life was going well. Theyll seek out your biggest weakness, insecurity, or theyll touch on something they know will really hurt you, and theyll go all out with it. After time has passed, they return, having given you time to forget. In DSM more traditional view they both go to Cluster B, alongside with few others. just to see how later she would emotionally and physically abuse me and turning everything on me. This is likely due to the fact that narcissists are not capable of forming meaningful relationships and are more focused on their own needs and desires. I know a few of these women and I have been one of the very few shoulders they have to lean on. The narcissist will assess the situation to see which direction they need to take to worm their way back into your life. And its true what they say about NC. Once they do, they will start fighting back by creating a trauma bond. its been a month and he popped up again. She would always respond, but I had to reach out first. When Im in this situation due to school meetings, etc., I view my Ex as a Kindergartener who simply cannot help himself. I am not happy as love sick single on holiday. And they are right. I was screaming inside! Luckily it did not affect my work record because I spoke to the HR person who had studied psychology and new all about Narcs!! The next step is restraining order. Know that many people are in this simulair situation. I feel as though he is masking and hiding behind her to numb the pain of me leaving the marriage. No one can ever take that, Hold your head up high Because he had never a negative comment, it took me almost a year, to acknowledge myself for what he is, Still picking up the pieces of my shattered life, Ich also had a relationship with such a guy. Every time he comes back he says how sorry he is, how awful and miserable his life is without me, how he has no direction and no reason to live. Im sure the new girl has questioned him about this and of course they can spin it to look like you were the b-tch all along or that you are jealous of his new love but one day she will see the truth and my guess is she has already and will be adding 2 and 2. I think he was very injured when I didnt reply to his Happy New Years text. Well find out. The trauma bond. Im still trying to get over a 10-year thing with a narc woman. My ex was a fullfledged NARC to the tee. There are only a few people that I really want and need in my life. He actually hit me with a bag of garbage and then dumped the garbage over all of my belongings (which I was trying to get together at the time to physically leave.)