What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? A soccer match. Even better, I'll make you some coffee while you wait. A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. What does a baby computer call its father? 237. Blue sky at night, day. 197. Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram for all my latest updates. That's why he's retiring. Because he was a little shellfish. What do sea monsters eat? Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? Where do young trees go to learn? Dear God look at the size of those _____. It comes from experience and a feeling sense for your . What do you call a fake noodle? What did the man get when he ran into a palm tree? Learn about creating the perfect sentence, working with key words, and discover the difference between a finisher and a complete word. That poem still holds up. Step 1. 100. My friend, I slept well. Im really good at sleeping. Few people seem to understand how to use apostrophes here in the UK, with some even advocating their abolition. Its the comma one uses before the last item in a list, such as: 76. A nervous wreck. They log in. Whos there? for more literary giggles. Russian to finish. Which holiday do cows enjoy most? Stewart Francis, When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. What lights up a soccer stadium? By tradition, the man can request one last meal Parole denied. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Theres a joke that describes a teacher writing on the board, A woman without her man is nothing. She asks a pupil to add punctuation to this sentence, whereupon a boy adds commas to create the following sentence: Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage. To who? Because their capital is always Dublin. Officer: Sure. Join our newsletter for exclusive features, tips, giveaways! Which state is the smartest? And if you feel kind of ashamed by liking these simple yet somehow hilarious jokes, there's no need to feel this way. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? Neptunes. 249. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? There is nothing more awkward than the moment you realize youre getting a double-cheek kiss. A carrot! Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Not for the baby but because shes one of my skinniest friends. The taste, mostly. The Finns dont say fuck you they tell you to sniff cunt (Haista vittu). But there are occasions on which its required, as to leave it out can result in confusion. What did Venus say to Saturn? What do horses say when they fall? Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. The 20 Funniest Finnish Expressions (and How To Use Them) Languages Finland Maari Parkkinen Aug 3, 2015 1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Dear God look at the size of those _____. 51. Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? 96. With a mon-key. Any dog, because buildings cant jump. How do celebrities stay cool? A good place to get funny anecdotes is from Reader's Digest. A four-chin teller. er, groceries.Don't drink the water here, it's filled with______________, Gayprechaun (gay leprechaun.. :D)My work is _________, Like a whoreI work best when i'm ________, Man-eating pigeons.I want to suck on that big juicy _____________, ScrumdiddleumptiousToday I learned how to _______, Their homeworkI know a man who can ________, telepathically do workThe world is going to______, Roundhouse kick herBut that would be_____. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., Probably the worst thing you can hear when youre wearing a bikini is Good for you!. 244. 57. Jew seriously? Curses! Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it? Officer: Sure. What do you call ticks in space? A refrigerator. Ooops! Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Youll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace. For more information read our privacy policy. Put a little boogie in it. 14. 191. Slovakout. Share a giggle with these funny jokes! 231. It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish. He wanted to live in the present. 87. The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret. 172. Is Google male or female? A tuba toothpaste! He was looking a little green. 131. I'll go first. 1684 Romantic Sentence -12 years ago - Show Facebook Like 3 What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? 3. Italeave. The globus. Nononononono whyyyyyyyyyyy would you do that, hellen keller walked into a bar.. and a table.. and a chair. The bartender says, We dont serve your type.. Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. These scrambled eggs taste like _________, My favorite breed of dog is __________________, This sandwich could really use some _________, I am stronger than a(n)______________________, I can run faster than a(n) _______________, Friday By Rebecca Black IS ________________, At the end of the rainbow there is a _________________, And you don't want to piss off Chuck Norris because ________. 245. If You Liked The Video Don't Forget To Give A Like For More Videos Consider Subscribing. Because the P is silent! We recommend our users to update the browser. A trebled man. The Finns dont encourage you (or themselves) to drink more they just say that a drop wont kill and you cant drown in a bucket (Ei tippa tapa eik mpriin huku). and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME". Dam. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? What do you call a pig that does karate? I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Officer: Yes? Two guys walk into a bar. 122. Henny Youngmans famous joke Take my wife please! is perhaps the most well-known example of a paraprosdokian in comedy. Because it was framed. These are missing the word while, with the result that it sounds as though the hat was cleaning the room and the horses were on holiday in Spain. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now. 193. 119. An impasta. A pork chop. Adding while clarifies the situation: I found my missing hat while cleaning my room; I saw lots of horses while on holiday in Spain.. 230. A meow-tain. So, too, with your sense of humor: while you might be too cool for knock-knock jokes or silly puns in your teens or early twenties, something happens when you're nearing that 30 line (or sooner if you have kids!). All my life I thought air was for free. Why are ghosts good cheerleaders? A soccer match. Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well? I am now banned from babysitting. It saw the salad dressing. 50. The tenth is humming. 124. The girl shakes her head, no. 194. This sentence contains exactly threee erors. A comma is the difference between What is this thing called love? and What is this thing called, love? 299. "Such and such walked into a bar" jokes are very popular in the UK, and this very simple one will help you remember how to employ the passive voice and how it differs from the active voice. 46. Brexit to be followed by Grexit. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? he never lets anybody finish a sentence. A desserter. Latervia. You will be able to keep friends and family laughing with this long list of the best jokes! Centipedes are fast. A waist of time. Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? 132. Officer: Yes? Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? He Neverlands. 103. Why did the clown always choose the red balloon? Its tricera-bottom! An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Teacher Appreciation Ideas 100s of the Best Ideas, Over 300 FUNNY Jokes to Make You Laugh! By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? As the topics of her lists are so broad, so is Inga's personal preferences. Because he was outstanding in his field. 99. Funny dad jokes that will make anyone laugh. Im writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: I heard from this guy who told somebody . Why do seagulls fly over the sea? By the bark. To eradicate the apostrophe would be a big mistake, however, as they make a big difference, as the following example shows. 289. Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times. The site is full of free patterns, downloads and I hope plenty of inspiration. The caption is Stop clubbing, baby seals, with the subtitle, Once again, punctuation makes all the difference. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Why were the teachers eyes crossed? No, I'm not fat. Why should you never ask a dinosaur to read a story if you are in a hurry? Watch what happens when you remove the comma: Never mind, its over your head. Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? I can't even finish a sentence without it coming up with other suggestions. An echurnity! 11 Great Jokes to Help You Remember English Grammar Rules. 34. The past, present and future walked into a bar. All of us start our lives as little kids, sometime later we grow up, then grow old and turn to be childish again. What did Dory order from McDonalds? Joan Rivers, If I could say a few words, I would be a better public speaker. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. It ran out of juice! Spot! The Finns dont bite the dustthey kick the emptiness (Potkaista tyhj). Dark humor is like food. 190. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see? 259. Inmate: I think I have.. Subscribe for exclusive city guides, travel videos, trip giveaways and more! We love laffy taffy jokes! Inmate: it's bec.. Clever writers sprinkle paraprosdokians into their descriptions, narration, and dialogue to establish a humorous tone. 42. 2. Another joke that highlights the importance of adequate punctuation in English is: Im just not on the right planet. 127. "Instead of food, can I request to sing one last song? Unknown, I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. What do you call someone who doesnt like carbs? Officer: Yes? A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say bye 300 times. A comedi-hen! Why did the bee get married? Why couldnt the pony sing? 3. 283. How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? And after I'm done, we can leave. 110. Parole denied. Why did the pony have to gargle? What do you call a dinosaur that asks a lot of deep questions? To give a couple more examples: I own the world's worst thesaurus. The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers! It's stopped twerking. 232. Cattle-logs. She was hit by the zamboni. Whats red and bad for your teeth? 1981 Stupid Sentence -12 years ago - Show Facebook Like 2 I'll buy you 11 Roses; 10 real and 1 fake. So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? 135. ), reword your writing into the active voice to make it more interesting. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? 55. . Wanna hear a joke about paper? "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! Whats the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? 272. adultery dad joke adults funny sentences funny english infancy synchronized swimming. Its use is contested, with grammar purists arguing that its essential for clarity, and those who take a more modern approach to grammar arguing that it sounds pompous, disrupts the flow of a sentence and is unnecessary because people understand what you mean without it. Oinkment. Yeah, Id probably freak out too if a raven flew into my house. What do cheerleaders eat for breakfast? And Im really excited. Groucho Marx, He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. What do you call a woman with one leg? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Cliff. Data! Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton Berle and Conan O . 165. Poke him on. Angry Finns dont say they will kill you they offer to take you behind the sauna (Vied saunan taakse). Required fields are marked *. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? How did the blonde die ice fishing? Female, because it doesnt let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!. The bar was walked into by the passive voice. Why wouldnt the shrimp share his treasure? What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. They planet. It won't come back!!! Guac and roll! What do you call a group of disorganized cats? Check out these funny paraprosdokians from movies and television: Writers love using wordplay to keep their readers guessing. What washes up on very small beaches? Read these sentences aloud and see how you subtly change the intonation according to where the only is placed. I know because Ive done it thousands of times. It was looking for a byte to eat. The Finns dont ask how are you? they ask what are you hearing? (Mit sinulle kuuluu?). 296. The girl answers, No, I Norwegian . 1. I sawlots of horses on holiday in Spain. When I was growing up, my mothers best dish was store-bought Entenmanns chocolate chip cookies. Sometimes a good anecdote or funny story can be a good way to end on a positive as well. The fact that there are only two errors.. Knock knock. Girl because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas, A man was sentenced to death. The passive voice is when the subject of the sentence in this case the bar is acted upon, rather than doing the acting. It wanted to be a water-melon. The Oxford comma is a curious thing. One says, Spit out your gum, and the other says, Choo choo choo!. Czechout. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing. She shot back, Oh come on, just because you always finish first doesn't mean you win anything! As a general rule, its better to use the active voice when writing: it gives your writing more life and immediacy, while the passive voice can sound stilted and dull. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed. Where are average things manufactured? Which month do trees dislike? What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? Why did the restaurant hire a pig? Leave the pizza in the oven. Funny, but not much of a two-liner, is it. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90. When its full. The Finns dont think someone is crazy they doubt if one has all the Moomins in the valley (Olla kaikki muumit laaksossa). She told him that she loved only him. Finally, this wording places the emphasis on the last him again, implying that she could love others. 151. Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? 215. If I tell you will you let me keep the ring ? Theyre always up to something. Because they were pop-ular. Which table fits in the fridge? The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees. Do you know a funny joke? 267. 4. Departugal. 210. #2 Edited By . Eileen. 153. What does a triceratops sit on? He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. 228. Dia-purrs! How do rabbits travel? He opened the front door to get his morning paper and found a nickel next to it. Whats a potatos favorite form of transportation? Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom? The operator replies, "Calm down, sir, first make sure that he's really dead." What kind of fishing bait do librarians use? Minnesota (as in, mini-soda). 218. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve. 156. Diddly-squats. 248. It was tense. What do skateboarders do when theyre really talented? Italeave. I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. 9. The Finns dont think something is very heavy they think it weights like a sin (Painaa kuin synti). My brothers friends dogs (the dogs belonging to the friends of one brother). 11. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 60. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. No, but April May! Where do hamburgers go dancing? Her husband replied "Put the Froot Loops back in the Cupboard", you just scroll down waiting for it to finish and agree without understanding what it says. Now the man is really tired. 233. She told him that she only loved him. This time, the emphasis falls on the final him; shes telling him that he is the only one she loves, the implication being that she doesnt love anyone else. A second nice shirt. I dont want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, Im not fluent, but Im sure if I ever went there, I could get by. A meltdown. Need to know ASAP. Find the US States - No Outlines Minefield. female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions, Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest Those jokes become funny again, and so much so, that you feel it's your duty to share them with the world (or . 291. Which superhero hits home runs? A lot of people cry when they cut onions. Please hang out with me awhile and check it out! 120. 'The bar was walked into' also ends in an awkward preposition. Slugs are very slow. I got up to 'P'. Because he was always spotted. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. They always take things literally. Such and such walked into a bar jokes are very popular in the UK, and this very simple one will help you remember how to employ the passive voice and how it differs from the active voice. Remember though if you tell these jokes when you dont have kids it is a faux pa hahahah. Delightful Fun Finish Jokes for a Roaring Good Time [At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early? Learn More. Finish The Joke Quiz - By frostybailey. 'My friend is dead! mobile app. I dont want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, Im not fluent, but Im sure if I ever went there, I could get by. Popular Quizzes Today. The third guy ducks. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? 109. 281. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives after this election, we should always finish things we start. 49. A deodor-ant. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. It slipped a disk. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. 275. Why was six scared of seven? 247. Ketchup. If youre ever having difficulty remembering what a pronoun is, remind yourself of this joke: What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? 223. What do you call a belt with a watch on it? What is the opposite of a croissant? 1. Where do pirates get their hooks? Why are skeletons so calm? 65. What lights up a soccer stadium? David Letterman on Halloween. . 102. If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, Id have $ 6.30 now. Jack: Not today please, I have a lot more to do. Every other story in the series is also inadvertently fucking hilarious. It lost its contacts. Where do you learn to make banana splits? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); From hosting a shrimp boil, celebrating holidays, making homemade scratch art paper, sewing gifts and throwing parties to cooking delicious food, you will find it all here at Skip To My Lou. No, Im not walking on string-cheese stilts. What is an astronauts favorite meal of the day? 274. 101. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Whats the best way to burn 1000 calories? BEST JOKES OF THE DAY! I'll share a dozen with you, but ONLY IF you can finish them as fast as children do! Whats an astronauts favorite candy? Sometimes I wonder why but kids love knock-knock jokes. This submission is hidden. Privacy Policy. Officer: Sure. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely. Never mindits tearable. What do you call a hippies wife? 142. What do you call a pig that does karate? What do you call sad coffee? Byegium. I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, Hey, were getting along pretty great lately!. What is the center of gravity? A pig stands in front of an electric socket: Oh no, who put you into that wall? A gents! 208. 56. There are over 200 short jokes that will keep you and your friends chucklesnorting all day! Inmate: I think I have.. What do you call a pudgy psychic? Whats a cats favorite color? Why are teddy bears never hungry? 139. What does corn say when you give it a compliment? 295. In case there is a salad dressing, 59. Phone. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. When they need to vent. By hareplanes. 149. It needed help figuring out its problems. The missing words can be located in any part of the sentence. ___ is responsible for this? (Answer: he is responsible, so its who.). They dribble all the time. The Finns arent broke they have their ass wide open (Persaukinen). Keep them handy for dinnertime, carpool, and parties. 225. How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? What do lawyers wear to work? 62. A.A. Daddy must dream scary things. 69. Unbelievable. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! #1 Edited By Ravek. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton Berle and Conan OBrien. 129. Send Good Vibes. 258. Now I can only stutter in Spanish. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? So he says to the girl, You finish? I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me. A swordfish! I was reading the dictionary in bed last night, but I didn't finish it. It means against expectations in Greek, and typically puts the first part of the sentence in a new and humorous context. How do you measure a snake? 3. I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years! Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 118. The Finns dont say someone looks extremely happy they say one smiles like a sun in Naantali (Hymyill kuin Naantalin aurinko). That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. I want to receive exclusive email updates from YourDictionary. What does a pig put on dry skin? How do you open a banana? Why did the Football Coach go to the bank? It was beat. To make some dough. But I haven't read the reviews yet so I don't know if I like it. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? My brothers friends dogs (this refers to the dogs belonging to the friend of one brother). What did the tie say to the hat? Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? A cake is being baked by John for Jane. (Passive) Click here to view. A good way to master them is to use humour: there are plenty of grammar jokes and conundrums out there that will help you learn the rules. Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. A good mood is like a balloon: one prick is all it takes to ruin it. Aye matey. What does it take to make an octopus laugh? 6.1K. 268. 3 Time flies like an arrow. I dont know, and I dont care. Then it dawned on me. What do you do with a sick boat? 257. Explanation: The first two errors? How can you tell its a dogwood tree? Tags: 1 line dad jokes 1 line puns 1 liner joke of the day 1 liner jokes 1 liners 10 best one liners 100 best one liners 100 funny quotes and one liners 1000 short funny jokes 101 best one liners 1950's one liners 2 line funny jokes in english 2 line jokes 2019 one liners 2020 one liners 21 one liner jokes 30 great one liners 5 one liners 52 of . 273. If we shouldnt eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge? Plus over 100 more of the funniest jokes for holidays and even new jokes for dad to tell! 145. 3. some grammar rules even elude native speakers. Its only the positioning of the apostrophes here that clarifies what youre saying; the wording is otherwise exactly the same. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left. The Penultimate Warrior! A brick. What do Martians like to drink? Sep-timber! Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 227. That's for women. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? She told him that she loved him. 157. Why did the M&M go to school? Why did the witches team lose the baseball game? The Finns dont say something vanished into thin air they say it disappeared like a fart in Sahara (Kadota kuin pieru Saharaan). Enjoy my Teacher Appreciation Bundle 75% OFF, Last Updated: October 6, 2022 By Cindy 48 Comments, Make Somebodys Day! Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes Sorry, Im still working on it. Take it to the doc already. Better not leave that Oxford comma out after all! You know that candy that has a funny joke printed on each wrapper. Its quite simple. Why cant Chuck Norris use the internet? And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it. Best Sentences - Top 100 Funny Sentences Top 100 Sentences 1 I am a nobody. What did the right eye say to the left eye? You can explore finish finisher reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Re-Morse code. 243. 213. I've only got myshelf to . What cookie flavor do monkeys love? 39. That was until I bought a bag of chips. 212. The stork-market! Stephen King quote example paraprosdokian joke, Slaven Vlasic / Contributor / Getty - November 11, 2014. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? (Credit: justbadpuns.com). 178. The Finns dont have fairytales about dragons they tell stories about flying snakes (Lohikrme). How do you drown a hipster? Various jokes play on the importance of commas by pointing out that they can save lives. Peter De Vries, I have the heart of a small boy in a glass jar on my desk. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Dingle Berry look out behind you, its a___________! 265. Nobody is perfect. They are short and easy to remember. One humorous illustration of what difference a comma makes is as follows: Vel-crows. 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A palm tree! This is the War Room! One of my friends is pregnant. I Spy With My Little Eye . But you must let me finish the song" 2 months ago. 136. Oustria. 13. 85. Dj brew. Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? 134. The Finns arent in a very bad mood they are like a bear shot in the ass (Kuin perseeseen ammuttu karhu). "Can I ask you something?" Find the Countries of Europe - No Outlines Minefield. Why shouldnt you write with a broken pencil? 5 What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? She couldnt control her pupils. Death: Oh no, you're the first on the list to die. Cauli-flower. Fruit flies like a banana. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). The library, because it has so many stories. Let me send you my very best ideas, free printables, inspiration and exclusive content every week! So they dont peel. Put it on my bill.. A gummy bear. People who dont like fast food! Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. 163. Never mind, I shouldnt spread it! It gets toad away. 16. 155. Everything you need over 50% OFF. Thanks Ill never part with it! In the first version, its clear that were talking about two people called William and Harry as well as more than one dog. By Jennifer Gunner, M.Ed. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. I have clean conscience. My brother who has a stutter is in prison. Your email address will not be published. This may be the wine talking, but I really, really, really, really love wine. The Finns dont say that as a result of a rush something was implemented poorly they say something was pissed while running (Juosten kustu). This humorous example shows that punctuation can completely change the meaning of a sentence, so that you can use the same words but mean totally opposite things according to how you punctuate them.